Last night, whilst doing my NightLine duty (NightLine is like a Samaritans type service for students, run by students...) i got to reading a book called The Co-Dependency Trap or something or other like that. NightLine has moved in with the student counselling service, so we now do the duties from their offices, hence why i was exposed to a shelf full of self help book crap in my hour of boredom...
Apparently, Co-Dependency is when a person does not complete their "psychological birth" which is supposed to occur in toddler-hood. (Psychological birth is the process of breaking away from the oneness with mother, and beginning to explore the world alone, whilst trusting that mother is still there if we need her...) This leads to them being unable to be a fully formed personality in their own right, and thus forming co-dependent relationships, where they rely on the other person to fulfill the missing aspects of their personality... This "affliction" supposedly affects around 98% of the American population.
My first thought was- "What a load of bollocks". Maybe i'm missing the point, but surely a degree of dependency is necessary to relationships? And life in general. No man is an island and all that. We need other people. Surely its a good thing when we have a relationship that makes us a better person? It can hardly be such an affliction if its affecting 98% of the population, can it? Are we all using our relationships as emotional crutches? Does noone form meaningful bonds with each other?
My second thought, upon reading on was- "Oh my god, i'm having a co-dependent relationship with The Boy!" I am pretty emotionally reliant upon him.
My tertiary thought was- "Actually no, this is bollocks." I am dependent on him, because i love him. I wouldn't like to think about living without him, but that doesn't mean i couldn't. I am perfectly capable of being a person in my own right thankyouverymuch.
Tsk. I hate stuff like that. Reading garbage like that is what gives people problems in the first place.
I'm not entirely sure i want to go and have counselling, if my head is going to be filled with rubbish like that. I can't imagine being told that all my relationships are unhealthy and meaningless is going to make me feel any better about myself.
Anyway.
Apart from gaining that nugget of wisdom, NightLine was a bit of a waste of time really. Since moving base, the phones haven't been sorted out properly, and so only the external phone works. Since the majority of our calls come through the internal line... there barely seems any point in being open. The only calls we got through the external line were from one of the banned callers, who just calls repeatedly to hurl abuse at us. I think he called about 30 times in the end...
I don't have much to do today. Meeting Joey tonight, but thats not for ages. Everyone on my corridor is still being hermit-like, which is a bit boring really.
Union on Friday was good fun. Introduced Ann to Amaretto :-)
Yawn.
Sunday 30 September 2007
Friday 28 September 2007
The Keele Update
It would appear that i'm not very good at remembering to update this thing. Oh well.
I should be doing things that need doing, like ringing people to change addresses and such like. But i don't like ringing people i don't know. So it can wait.
I am back in Keele now for the new semester. I got back on Wednesday and have been futzing around doing not a lot since then really. My new room is even lovelier now that it has all my things in it, though it is much bigger than the room i had last year so doesn't quite feel full enough at the moment... The people living in the corridor seem pleasant enough. Phil, i already knew from Korfball. Andy and Heather, the couple, who seem really cool, but not overly desperate to interact, as they have each other. Which is understandable but a bit poo really. I am loathe to force myself on them as they haven't seen each other all summer and have probably been really looking forward to living together... and i would be a bit annoyed if someone kept trying to infringe on my time with The Boy... Plus i don't really know what to talk to them about! Mike, i have only seen a couple of times, seems really nice, but likes to keep himself to himself. And the last guy, i have no idea what he's called. I've only seen him once and he didn't even say hi to me (and apparently has been like that with everyone) So. Not exactly the life and soul of the party i gather. I'm sure i will be grateful for the quietness of the place in a few weeks when i'm snowed under with work. But now i'm a little disappointed. I was all geared up to be sociable and nice and make new friends. But noone else seems bothered. Sigh.
As such, i have spent most of my time since getting here with Katie and Ruth. Which is nice, i'm glad that they're here, but i do rather get the impression that they prefer each other to me... and three may become a crowd after a while... After unpacking on Wednesday i spent the rest of the day with them and then had an early night. I was invited out by Andy and Heather but i was too scared to go in the end, as they had other friends over who were rather loud and scary... I wish i had gone though, it might have helped with the making connections business. Plus they knocked on my door before they went, and the scary friends were actually really nice as well... But then i most probably would have just spent the whole night feeling like a spare part and gone home early. So i cut out the middle man and just went to bed. Yesterday i had a meeting with my personal tutor, which was mostly about my placement in the end, and then went to my first Clinical Pathology lecture, which turned out to be an "introductory" lecture. So 20 whole minutes of being blathered to about knowing how to do literature searches then... Went into Hanley afterwards with Katie and Roo to pick up my beautiful boots which i ordered a few days ago. I'm not even going to try and justify spending £75 on them. They are just beautiful and i needed to have them. I may well be homeless by Christmas, but at least my feet will look nice... I bought a jumper as well, which was tres naughty. For someone who is worried about affording her accommodation this year, i shop an awful lot. Then yesterday evening was the first Korfball training session of the year, which i actually really enjoyed. Probably because next to the Freshers i actually look half decent at it. I was considering quitting but i think i'm going to give it another couple of weeks. I still don't appreciate being forced into being Club Secretary, and not even being told what i'm supposed to do still! But we shall see.
Today i have been to the supermarket and spent an outrageous amount on food, which hopefully means i won't have to go shopping for a long time now. Tonight i am going to the Union with Katie, Roo and Ann. Hopefully Andy and Heather will come too, and then i can feel as though we are making an effort.
I'm not missing The Boy as painfully as i thought i would. I know it has only been two days, but i am quite capable of missing him if we so much as spend an evening apart... I suppose i have been pretty busy though, so not much time for missing really. I miss snuggling up to him in bed the most. Sigh. Tuesday night we were meant to be having a meal and wine, going to the cinema and having the obligatory rampant sex, in preperation for our fortnight apart. Instead he cooked, gave us food poisoning, and we spent the evening in bed groaning and trying not to move very much... Typical eh. Very funny in hindsight. And at least we got plenty of snuggling up done. Hehe.
Can't think of anything else right now.
I should be doing things that need doing, like ringing people to change addresses and such like. But i don't like ringing people i don't know. So it can wait.
I am back in Keele now for the new semester. I got back on Wednesday and have been futzing around doing not a lot since then really. My new room is even lovelier now that it has all my things in it, though it is much bigger than the room i had last year so doesn't quite feel full enough at the moment... The people living in the corridor seem pleasant enough. Phil, i already knew from Korfball. Andy and Heather, the couple, who seem really cool, but not overly desperate to interact, as they have each other. Which is understandable but a bit poo really. I am loathe to force myself on them as they haven't seen each other all summer and have probably been really looking forward to living together... and i would be a bit annoyed if someone kept trying to infringe on my time with The Boy... Plus i don't really know what to talk to them about! Mike, i have only seen a couple of times, seems really nice, but likes to keep himself to himself. And the last guy, i have no idea what he's called. I've only seen him once and he didn't even say hi to me (and apparently has been like that with everyone) So. Not exactly the life and soul of the party i gather. I'm sure i will be grateful for the quietness of the place in a few weeks when i'm snowed under with work. But now i'm a little disappointed. I was all geared up to be sociable and nice and make new friends. But noone else seems bothered. Sigh.
As such, i have spent most of my time since getting here with Katie and Ruth. Which is nice, i'm glad that they're here, but i do rather get the impression that they prefer each other to me... and three may become a crowd after a while... After unpacking on Wednesday i spent the rest of the day with them and then had an early night. I was invited out by Andy and Heather but i was too scared to go in the end, as they had other friends over who were rather loud and scary... I wish i had gone though, it might have helped with the making connections business. Plus they knocked on my door before they went, and the scary friends were actually really nice as well... But then i most probably would have just spent the whole night feeling like a spare part and gone home early. So i cut out the middle man and just went to bed. Yesterday i had a meeting with my personal tutor, which was mostly about my placement in the end, and then went to my first Clinical Pathology lecture, which turned out to be an "introductory" lecture. So 20 whole minutes of being blathered to about knowing how to do literature searches then... Went into Hanley afterwards with Katie and Roo to pick up my beautiful boots which i ordered a few days ago. I'm not even going to try and justify spending £75 on them. They are just beautiful and i needed to have them. I may well be homeless by Christmas, but at least my feet will look nice... I bought a jumper as well, which was tres naughty. For someone who is worried about affording her accommodation this year, i shop an awful lot. Then yesterday evening was the first Korfball training session of the year, which i actually really enjoyed. Probably because next to the Freshers i actually look half decent at it. I was considering quitting but i think i'm going to give it another couple of weeks. I still don't appreciate being forced into being Club Secretary, and not even being told what i'm supposed to do still! But we shall see.
Today i have been to the supermarket and spent an outrageous amount on food, which hopefully means i won't have to go shopping for a long time now. Tonight i am going to the Union with Katie, Roo and Ann. Hopefully Andy and Heather will come too, and then i can feel as though we are making an effort.
I'm not missing The Boy as painfully as i thought i would. I know it has only been two days, but i am quite capable of missing him if we so much as spend an evening apart... I suppose i have been pretty busy though, so not much time for missing really. I miss snuggling up to him in bed the most. Sigh. Tuesday night we were meant to be having a meal and wine, going to the cinema and having the obligatory rampant sex, in preperation for our fortnight apart. Instead he cooked, gave us food poisoning, and we spent the evening in bed groaning and trying not to move very much... Typical eh. Very funny in hindsight. And at least we got plenty of snuggling up done. Hehe.
Can't think of anything else right now.
Thursday 20 September 2007
YAY!!
Finished stupid placement forever! Woohoo!
Tour went fine which is a biiiiiig relief!
And now i am free to return to my life of student dossing!
Yay!
I'm quite bored now though, having finished work so early. I could go straight home and jump into bed with The Boy but unfortunately i arranged to meet Jo tonight, about a week ago. And it would be rather rude of me to cancel on such short notice. She would blatantly do the same to me, but hey. I'm too nice. I text Roo some general Yay-can-i-come-round-ness, but she hasn't replied yet. Sob.
Can't wait to go home. Its just too weird being in this block on my own. Although i'm almost ninety nine percent certain there is one other person living in here somewhere as well... i just have no idea where... the place is so bloody big!
Yay!
Tour went fine which is a biiiiiig relief!
And now i am free to return to my life of student dossing!
Yay!
I'm quite bored now though, having finished work so early. I could go straight home and jump into bed with The Boy but unfortunately i arranged to meet Jo tonight, about a week ago. And it would be rather rude of me to cancel on such short notice. She would blatantly do the same to me, but hey. I'm too nice. I text Roo some general Yay-can-i-come-round-ness, but she hasn't replied yet. Sob.
Can't wait to go home. Its just too weird being in this block on my own. Although i'm almost ninety nine percent certain there is one other person living in here somewhere as well... i just have no idea where... the place is so bloody big!
Yay!
Wednesday 19 September 2007
Nervous
Lots of things have happened in the past couple of days. I can't really be bothered writing about them, but here goes anyway. I went home at the weekend... even though i was meant to be being brave... But i finished work at 2pm on Friday and couldn't face the thought of nearly three whole days on my own. Plus The Boy was skiving work with a throat infection, so we got more time together than we shoould have done. We went out on Saturday night to see Eris play at The Snooty, and then we went round town with Boy's work friends. I was determined not to be left in a corner as usual so made a really big effort with all the Eris guys and I ended up getting on pretty well with Boy's female colleagues so ended up having a really good time. I was quite proud of myself!
On Monday i moved into my swanky new W block room. *Note to self: carrying a case, three bags and a laptop across campus, alone, in the pouring rain, is not a recipe for happiness. But at least i'm out of the stink hole that is Hawthornes now. I'm all alone in the block at the moment, which is more than a little disconcerting... the place is bloody enormous and full of random, terrifying noises. It feels incredibly strange to be living in a student block alone. I'm actually looking forward to everyone else getting here. It will be strange to have to get to know a whole new set of people again, but i've decided it doesn't matter hugely if we don't get on so well, since i still have Roo and Katie. As long as they're bearable, i'll be happy. And at least i won't have to share a bathroom with any of them : )
Actually, nothing much apart from that has happened. Went round to Roo's again for a bit last night which was lovely, and also met up with Ann for a bit in the pub. We always seem to end up talking about Dave and his "issues", which is slightly disconcerting, but she's a nice girl. It'll be good to get to know her better.
The Lab Tour of Doom is tomorrow. I've been doing practise tours all week and to be perfectly honest am bored rigid of them right now... but in a few hours it will all be over. Can't wait! I'm not quite as ecstatic as i imagined i would be to finish placement, but then i think that is probably more a symptom of the fact that i appear to be clinically incapable of being happy about anything at the moment. Or maybe the excitement is just masked by nerves... who knows. My assessor is Joey's training officer from Stafford, so hopefully he will be nice. I'm sure she would have mentioned it if he wasn't...
Feeling really down at the moment. Just want to crawl into bed and stay there for a few years. Not quite sure why, but i am sure that this is not a good road to be going down, especially at this point in the year.
I miss The Boy a lot.
On Monday i moved into my swanky new W block room. *Note to self: carrying a case, three bags and a laptop across campus, alone, in the pouring rain, is not a recipe for happiness. But at least i'm out of the stink hole that is Hawthornes now. I'm all alone in the block at the moment, which is more than a little disconcerting... the place is bloody enormous and full of random, terrifying noises. It feels incredibly strange to be living in a student block alone. I'm actually looking forward to everyone else getting here. It will be strange to have to get to know a whole new set of people again, but i've decided it doesn't matter hugely if we don't get on so well, since i still have Roo and Katie. As long as they're bearable, i'll be happy. And at least i won't have to share a bathroom with any of them : )
Actually, nothing much apart from that has happened. Went round to Roo's again for a bit last night which was lovely, and also met up with Ann for a bit in the pub. We always seem to end up talking about Dave and his "issues", which is slightly disconcerting, but she's a nice girl. It'll be good to get to know her better.
The Lab Tour of Doom is tomorrow. I've been doing practise tours all week and to be perfectly honest am bored rigid of them right now... but in a few hours it will all be over. Can't wait! I'm not quite as ecstatic as i imagined i would be to finish placement, but then i think that is probably more a symptom of the fact that i appear to be clinically incapable of being happy about anything at the moment. Or maybe the excitement is just masked by nerves... who knows. My assessor is Joey's training officer from Stafford, so hopefully he will be nice. I'm sure she would have mentioned it if he wasn't...
Feeling really down at the moment. Just want to crawl into bed and stay there for a few years. Not quite sure why, but i am sure that this is not a good road to be going down, especially at this point in the year.
I miss The Boy a lot.
Thursday 13 September 2007
Nearly the weekend- woot!
Got a letter from accommodation today- i am being allowed to move into my proper room on Monday, so they can get this block ready for the freshers coming on Saturday. This makes me very happy! Not only is it going to be a whole lot swankier and cleaner and actually on campus, but it also means i can leave some bits and pieces behind, so theres less stuff to lug back on the train after my placement and subsequently bring back again when i come with Dad... Yay. It sounds as though everyone else living in the block is going to be moving in on the fresher's Saturday (i.e. the day after i go home after placement...) so its a bit annoying that Dad can't move me in until the Wednesday after that. I really could do with being there involving myself in all the social type activities and getting to know more people. I hope that by the time i get there, everyone else hasn't already got to know each other and gotten all clique-y... because that would just be unbearable... I can't bear another year like that. I'm determined not to be Miss Social Anxiety this year, i'm going to make more friends and have fun.
Another happy thing- Roo text me out of the blue on Monday night to tell me that she was on campus already! She has previously told me that she was moving in on the 8th but for some reason i thought she wasn't anymore.... but anyway, she did! And she's here! Woop! Went over to her new place for tea on Tuesday night. Its really nice, despite being in Horwood. Its been all done up for the Postgrads. She is living with loads of other PGCE students and they all seem to be getting on amazingly well already, which makes me slightly worried/ jealous? I don't know. Im just concerned about losing her. I'm her best friend Me! Not you! Argh. I'm such a freak. They all seemed really cool girls anyway, so hopefully i can integrate myself in there as well... Roo has gone back home again for a wedding this weekend, so unfortunately i can't plant myself there for the weekend, which is a bit of a shame.
Had beverages with Joey on Tuesday night as well. As much as she annoys me with her "the-world-revolves-around-me-ness", it was lovely to see her.
Went swimming at they gym last night, so have managed to fill my time with something every evening this week, which i'm highly impressed with. I was invited out tonight by someone who i vaguely know through M. But he was going to be there too, and since i don't really know her that well, i felt a bit uncomfortable about going. So i didn't... But i've had a fairly ok lazy time tonight. This week has gone quite quickly really. Debating with myself whether to go home this weekend, or whether to be brave and stay here. I should stay here and do work, and seeing The Boy again will be extra lovely if i haven't seen him for two weeks rather than one, plus i can't really afford to go... I should probably save the money for later in the term, when i genuinely can't see him for weeks at a time due to our various commitments and i need to see him more... but meh. I probably will end up going. I miss him. And you're only young once eh.
Everyone in the lab got a massive bollocking this morning after the head scientist, Mr STD obsessive, found a half eaten chocolate bar in a drawer... it was hilarious... I know it wasn't supposed to be, and i know he had a point, it being a virology lab and everything... but its so difficult to take him seriously. Plus i think the chances of catching HIV or hepatitis from a chocolate bar are pretty minimal... I'll be glad to get away from Mr STD obsessive when this placement is over. He really is the strangest person i have ever met. And quite obnoxious with it sometimes. Being there has actually been ok for the past couple of days, as i have been shadowing a woman called Gill, who is actually half decent, and makes conversation with me.
Nothing much else to report really.
Another happy thing- Roo text me out of the blue on Monday night to tell me that she was on campus already! She has previously told me that she was moving in on the 8th but for some reason i thought she wasn't anymore.... but anyway, she did! And she's here! Woop! Went over to her new place for tea on Tuesday night. Its really nice, despite being in Horwood. Its been all done up for the Postgrads. She is living with loads of other PGCE students and they all seem to be getting on amazingly well already, which makes me slightly worried/ jealous? I don't know. Im just concerned about losing her. I'm her best friend Me! Not you! Argh. I'm such a freak. They all seemed really cool girls anyway, so hopefully i can integrate myself in there as well... Roo has gone back home again for a wedding this weekend, so unfortunately i can't plant myself there for the weekend, which is a bit of a shame.
Had beverages with Joey on Tuesday night as well. As much as she annoys me with her "the-world-revolves-around-me-ness", it was lovely to see her.
Went swimming at they gym last night, so have managed to fill my time with something every evening this week, which i'm highly impressed with. I was invited out tonight by someone who i vaguely know through M. But he was going to be there too, and since i don't really know her that well, i felt a bit uncomfortable about going. So i didn't... But i've had a fairly ok lazy time tonight. This week has gone quite quickly really. Debating with myself whether to go home this weekend, or whether to be brave and stay here. I should stay here and do work, and seeing The Boy again will be extra lovely if i haven't seen him for two weeks rather than one, plus i can't really afford to go... I should probably save the money for later in the term, when i genuinely can't see him for weeks at a time due to our various commitments and i need to see him more... but meh. I probably will end up going. I miss him. And you're only young once eh.
Everyone in the lab got a massive bollocking this morning after the head scientist, Mr STD obsessive, found a half eaten chocolate bar in a drawer... it was hilarious... I know it wasn't supposed to be, and i know he had a point, it being a virology lab and everything... but its so difficult to take him seriously. Plus i think the chances of catching HIV or hepatitis from a chocolate bar are pretty minimal... I'll be glad to get away from Mr STD obsessive when this placement is over. He really is the strangest person i have ever met. And quite obnoxious with it sometimes. Being there has actually been ok for the past couple of days, as i have been shadowing a woman called Gill, who is actually half decent, and makes conversation with me.
Nothing much else to report really.
Monday 10 September 2007
I'm getting bored of thinking of titles already...
I should be working on my portfolio or my lab tour notes or something, but meh, i can't be arsed.
The lab wasn't as bad as i imagined it was going to be. Everyone is as unfriendly and ignorant as ever, but i was only left on my own with nothing to do for about an hour all day, which is quite an achievement on their part. I spent most of the day setting up (ballsing up...) ELISA plates for various things, and reading and making notes. I'm bricking it slightly about the lab tour now i have a fuller idea of how much stuff i'm supposed to waffle on about and therefore *know* about... Oh well. With any luck it will be over and done with by next Thursday and i'll get an extra day off.
I'm missing the Hot Contents, "EP launch party" tonight. Despite only being assembled as a laugh and only having about 3 original songs... they apparently have an EP now. Its going to be a right laugh and i'm missing it : ( Damnit.
Miss him.
The lab wasn't as bad as i imagined it was going to be. Everyone is as unfriendly and ignorant as ever, but i was only left on my own with nothing to do for about an hour all day, which is quite an achievement on their part. I spent most of the day setting up (ballsing up...) ELISA plates for various things, and reading and making notes. I'm bricking it slightly about the lab tour now i have a fuller idea of how much stuff i'm supposed to waffle on about and therefore *know* about... Oh well. With any luck it will be over and done with by next Thursday and i'll get an extra day off.
I'm missing the Hot Contents, "EP launch party" tonight. Despite only being assembled as a laugh and only having about 3 original songs... they apparently have an EP now. Its going to be a right laugh and i'm missing it : ( Damnit.
Miss him.
Sunday 9 September 2007
Here Now.
Well. I'm here. And i'm feeling like shit, i can tell you.
The room is not so bad. Not quite so mouldy and vile as last time. It has actually been cleaned, and the mattress and carpet are devoid of suspicious looking stains... In preperation for the freshers i suppose.
I miss The Boy already. Like, fiercely achingly so. Bearing in mind, i only left him 5 hours ago, my level of emotional dependency upon him grows ever scarier. (Of course, stupid smooching couples on trains don't help!)
I really do not want to go to work tomorrow. This fortnight just seems to be a huge yawning chasm of never ending-ness in my mind... i simply cannot envisage the end point. It can't possibly be as bad as i'm imagining... i'm just in a really low place at the moment. All i want to do is cry and / crawl into bed and not get out for a year. I'm not quite sure why this experience is having such a bad effect on me, but its not a good feeling.
On a lighter note, Mum text me earlier to tell me i had a letter from the Inland Revenue. Containing a cheque with any luck! I'm undecided what to do with the money at the moment. I can either stick it in my current account and use it as needed this semester (which may or may not end in me spending the majority of it in Topshop...), i can whack it in my ISA, or i can pay off my credit card bill with it. Not my preferred choice, but probably the most sensible. Things stand to be very tight financially this year though, and this option would mean i had no further access to the money, and it would only save me around 70 quid in minimum payments until i graduate... plus theres always the danger that i will just end up whipping out the credit card when i'm (inevitably) skint , and running up the bill again anyway... which would make the whole exercise totally pointless. I'm not sure what my financial priorities should be right now... just getting through the year i suppose. Hmm. I will ask The Boy what he thinks.
Nearly finished Queen Camilla. Need to stop reading so fast, otherwise i'm going to rather bored for the next fortnight...
ARGH I love him and i miss him! (I'm so pathetic).
Think i'll go to bed, even though i'm not really tired.
The room is not so bad. Not quite so mouldy and vile as last time. It has actually been cleaned, and the mattress and carpet are devoid of suspicious looking stains... In preperation for the freshers i suppose.
I miss The Boy already. Like, fiercely achingly so. Bearing in mind, i only left him 5 hours ago, my level of emotional dependency upon him grows ever scarier. (Of course, stupid smooching couples on trains don't help!)
I really do not want to go to work tomorrow. This fortnight just seems to be a huge yawning chasm of never ending-ness in my mind... i simply cannot envisage the end point. It can't possibly be as bad as i'm imagining... i'm just in a really low place at the moment. All i want to do is cry and / crawl into bed and not get out for a year. I'm not quite sure why this experience is having such a bad effect on me, but its not a good feeling.
On a lighter note, Mum text me earlier to tell me i had a letter from the Inland Revenue. Containing a cheque with any luck! I'm undecided what to do with the money at the moment. I can either stick it in my current account and use it as needed this semester (which may or may not end in me spending the majority of it in Topshop...), i can whack it in my ISA, or i can pay off my credit card bill with it. Not my preferred choice, but probably the most sensible. Things stand to be very tight financially this year though, and this option would mean i had no further access to the money, and it would only save me around 70 quid in minimum payments until i graduate... plus theres always the danger that i will just end up whipping out the credit card when i'm (inevitably) skint , and running up the bill again anyway... which would make the whole exercise totally pointless. I'm not sure what my financial priorities should be right now... just getting through the year i suppose. Hmm. I will ask The Boy what he thinks.
Nearly finished Queen Camilla. Need to stop reading so fast, otherwise i'm going to rather bored for the next fortnight...
ARGH I love him and i miss him! (I'm so pathetic).
Think i'll go to bed, even though i'm not really tired.
Saturday 8 September 2007
Sigh...
I'm going back to Keele tomorrow, to finish my hospital placement. Needless to say i'm not relishing the prospect of two more weeks living in stinking student accommodation with noone to talk to, just so i can spend eight hours a day twiddling my thumbs in the lab. I suppose it will be worth it in the end, completing my registration portfolio before i graduate will be incredibly useful in the long run... but it really has been the most poorly organised and dull work placement in the history of work placements... i'm not sure i even want to be a Biomedical Scientist anymore... (Actually, that's just laziness talking, i don't especially want to be anything that involves getting up before eleven more than one day a week...)
Really really don't want to go! I'm going to miss The Boy so much!
On the other hand, i can't wait to go back to Keele properly, to move into my tres expensive and non-stinking accommodation and to study. Slightly nervous about living with people i don't know again, i thought i'd left all that behind in my fresher year... one major disadvantage to binning your course after the first
year and starting a new one is the leaving you a year behind your friends and housemates and thus consigning yourself to a final year of lonesomeness when they so rudely graduate... but never mind. At least Joey and Roo and Katie Bear will be around to play with. I think bullying Roo into doing her PGCE this year was the smartest thing i ever did!
I went shopping on Thursday and buggered up my budget plan yet again... I can't help myself, its just ridiculous. This summer, i was supposed to have saved £1000 and paid off my overdraft. In actual fact, i will barely have paid off my overdraft, and only if i manage to stick to the rather frugal budget i have had to enforce for the next fortnight after said shopping trip... and there is only about £500 in my ISA now. I am trying to console my self with the fact that i haven't entirely frittered my hopsital wages... i have had to pay for four weeks of temporary accommodation, and been on two holidays this summer. So with the saving and the overdraft paying, i haven't done so badly... Oh well. You're only young once...
Also... i was this week informed that the Inland Revenue owe me £350! So that kind of eases the pressure. Though i don't hold out much hope for receiving said funds for a least 6 years... and since things are going to be tight next year on account of my super posh accommodation, i shouldn't really use it as an excuse to splurge, i should stick to my budgetting and keep it for emergencies.
Anyway, I bought a sort of 50s stylee tea dress, which will look awesome with a big slouchy cardigan and skinny jeans in the autumn, and some books in the Waterstones 3 for 2 offer, as i figured they will give me something to do while i'm rotting away in Hawthornes Hall for the next fortnight (have i mentioned i'm not looking forward to going?). One of which I am currently reading- Queen Camilla by Sue Townsend, which is the sequel to her book The Queen and I. Its very funny, and i've nearly finished it.
Argh i really don't want to go! I can't get rid of this awful niggly feeling. I don't want to leave my boy.
I shall keep telling myself its going to be fine. I have my books to read, my laptop, portfolio exercises to work on, i can start going to the gym again (finally...) and Joey and Ann are around for social eventage for a
couple of nights. There's even M,
if i get desperate... It'll be fine. Fine fine fine.
*sob*
I'm feeling awfully broody at the moment. I think its a combination of seeing the film Knocked Up the other day, and the preponderance of news stories on the current "fertility crisis" that seem to be around at the moment. It makes me impatient to start making babies. Even though i want to work and travel and suchlike. I've always had a nasty feeling that i won't be able to conceive. It sounds strange and highly premature, but its true. Perhaps just a figment of my self pitying imagination eh.
My skin is really nice at the moment.
Really really don't want to go! I'm going to miss The Boy so much!
On the other hand, i can't wait to go back to Keele properly, to move into my tres expensive and non-stinking accommodation and to study. Slightly nervous about living with people i don't know again, i thought i'd left all that behind in my fresher year... one major disadvantage to binning your course after the first
year and starting a new one is the leaving you a year behind your friends and housemates and thus consigning yourself to a final year of lonesomeness when they so rudely graduate... but never mind. At least Joey and Roo and Katie Bear will be around to play with. I think bullying Roo into doing her PGCE this year was the smartest thing i ever did!
I went shopping on Thursday and buggered up my budget plan yet again... I can't help myself, its just ridiculous. This summer, i was supposed to have saved £1000 and paid off my overdraft. In actual fact, i will barely have paid off my overdraft, and only if i manage to stick to the rather frugal budget i have had to enforce for the next fortnight after said shopping trip... and there is only about £500 in my ISA now. I am trying to console my self with the fact that i haven't entirely frittered my hopsital wages... i have had to pay for four weeks of temporary accommodation, and been on two holidays this summer. So with the saving and the overdraft paying, i haven't done so badly... Oh well. You're only young once...
Also... i was this week informed that the Inland Revenue owe me £350! So that kind of eases the pressure. Though i don't hold out much hope for receiving said funds for a least 6 years... and since things are going to be tight next year on account of my super posh accommodation, i shouldn't really use it as an excuse to splurge, i should stick to my budgetting and keep it for emergencies.
Anyway, I bought a sort of 50s stylee tea dress, which will look awesome with a big slouchy cardigan and skinny jeans in the autumn, and some books in the Waterstones 3 for 2 offer, as i figured they will give me something to do while i'm rotting away in Hawthornes Hall for the next fortnight (have i mentioned i'm not looking forward to going?). One of which I am currently reading- Queen Camilla by Sue Townsend, which is the sequel to her book The Queen and I. Its very funny, and i've nearly finished it.
Argh i really don't want to go! I can't get rid of this awful niggly feeling. I don't want to leave my boy.
I shall keep telling myself its going to be fine. I have my books to read, my laptop, portfolio exercises to work on, i can start going to the gym again (finally...) and Joey and Ann are around for social eventage for a
couple of nights. There's even M,
if i get desperate... It'll be fine. Fine fine fine.
*sob*
I'm feeling awfully broody at the moment. I think its a combination of seeing the film Knocked Up the other day, and the preponderance of news stories on the current "fertility crisis" that seem to be around at the moment. It makes me impatient to start making babies. Even though i want to work and travel and suchlike. I've always had a nasty feeling that i won't be able to conceive. It sounds strange and highly premature, but its true. Perhaps just a figment of my self pitying imagination eh.
My skin is really nice at the moment.
Monday 3 September 2007
Weekend Fun
The Boy rang me from work on Saturday evening to say (rather tersely...):
"Shit day. Get dressed. We're going out"
So got dressed i did. He took me to the Red Chilli restaurant for a slap up curry and a bottle of red. Tres yummy. Then we went to The Jockey for a bit. On our way home we were intercepted by the bass player from KOKaine, and so ended up spending the rest of the night in Escobar watching their gig. Which was excellent. All in all a very good evening!
Sunday we had lunch with The Boy's parents who dropped in on their way to Dover to catch the ferry for yet another holiday... It was a fairly painless experience. I think i may finally be warming to his mother. Sunday afternoon we spent having sex. Which was lovely...
The boy and i spent a lot of time discussing the future this weekend. We are toying with the idea of emigrating. Lets be honest, there is little to no reason to want to live in England anymore. The current chav/yob/benefit culture alternately makes my blood boil and me want to curl up into a ball and cry.... We are almost certainly never going to be able to afford a mortgage, and i am loathe to waste money on renting for years on end, even though the more i think about it, the less necessary it seems to own your own house these days. Of course theres the security, the equity etc, but as long as you actually want to live in a house, you're never going to benefit from the financial side of owning the house. The only people who benefit are your offspring... when you die... But then, the current obsession with "buy to let" properties means that you would pay more than a mortgage payment in rent per month anyway. And i'm damned if i want to spend the rest of my life lining someone elses pockets for no gain of my own... I would love for The Boy and i to own our own house. But in the current climate, and taking into account his total incapability of saving money... i think the chances
are against it happening
any time soon. Anyway... we're thinking Canada or France as serious possibilities. For no particular reason other than we like the sound of it. Also I would love to live in New York if only for a year or so. Emigrating would be terrifying, but i kind of like the idea of being slightly nomadic. Even though we've done no research or planning... i'm excited at the possibility of it. I love being able to talk about the future with The Boy.
"Shit day. Get dressed. We're going out"
So got dressed i did. He took me to the Red Chilli restaurant for a slap up curry and a bottle of red. Tres yummy. Then we went to The Jockey for a bit. On our way home we were intercepted by the bass player from KOKaine, and so ended up spending the rest of the night in Escobar watching their gig. Which was excellent. All in all a very good evening!
Sunday we had lunch with The Boy's parents who dropped in on their way to Dover to catch the ferry for yet another holiday... It was a fairly painless experience. I think i may finally be warming to his mother. Sunday afternoon we spent having sex. Which was lovely...
The boy and i spent a lot of time discussing the future this weekend. We are toying with the idea of emigrating. Lets be honest, there is little to no reason to want to live in England anymore. The current chav/yob/benefit culture alternately makes my blood boil and me want to curl up into a ball and cry.... We are almost certainly never going to be able to afford a mortgage, and i am loathe to waste money on renting for years on end, even though the more i think about it, the less necessary it seems to own your own house these days. Of course theres the security, the equity etc, but as long as you actually want to live in a house, you're never going to benefit from the financial side of owning the house. The only people who benefit are your offspring... when you die... But then, the current obsession with "buy to let" properties means that you would pay more than a mortgage payment in rent per month anyway. And i'm damned if i want to spend the rest of my life lining someone elses pockets for no gain of my own... I would love for The Boy and i to own our own house. But in the current climate, and taking into account his total incapability of saving money... i think the chances
are against it happening
any time soon. Anyway... we're thinking Canada or France as serious possibilities. For no particular reason other than we like the sound of it. Also I would love to live in New York if only for a year or so. Emigrating would be terrifying, but i kind of like the idea of being slightly nomadic. Even though we've done no research or planning... i'm excited at the possibility of it. I love being able to talk about the future with The Boy.
Saturday 1 September 2007
Blah...
Good God I'm bored...
Came over to stay at the Boy's a day early, before something horrible happened to Demonchild... But he is working all day today, so i'm bored and lonesome... sob.
Demonchild even manages to annoy me when she isn't here. Her most recent slights keep popping up in my head and i'm having to struggle to resist the urge to break things. Namely her face. All this aggression can't be healthy. I think perhaps i'm not quite de-crazed yet... That's another reason to look forward to going back to
university... when i get back i can register with the student counselling service. I'm not sure how helpful it will be, but it beats going back on the crazy pills.
I went into town earlier to have a look round and attempt to stave off boredom. I saw lots of lovely things to stock my winter wardrobe up with, but i managed to restrain myself. It is only August after all. And i am skint. I still bought a top though. But it was in the sale...
I really need to reign this shopping addiction in., but meh, its fun. And there are surely worse ways of expressing my lack of self esteem...
I discovered earlier that i am still minorly attracted to M... The less said about that at the moment the better, i think.
I am mucho looking forward to drinking the bottle of wine sitting in the fridge later.
Sigh. Wish The Boy would hurry up.
Came over to stay at the Boy's a day early, before something horrible happened to Demonchild... But he is working all day today, so i'm bored and lonesome... sob.
Demonchild even manages to annoy me when she isn't here. Her most recent slights keep popping up in my head and i'm having to struggle to resist the urge to break things. Namely her face. All this aggression can't be healthy. I think perhaps i'm not quite de-crazed yet... That's another reason to look forward to going back to
university... when i get back i can register with the student counselling service. I'm not sure how helpful it will be, but it beats going back on the crazy pills.
I went into town earlier to have a look round and attempt to stave off boredom. I saw lots of lovely things to stock my winter wardrobe up with, but i managed to restrain myself. It is only August after all. And i am skint. I still bought a top though. But it was in the sale...
I really need to reign this shopping addiction in., but meh, its fun. And there are surely worse ways of expressing my lack of self esteem...
I discovered earlier that i am still minorly attracted to M... The less said about that at the moment the better, i think.
I am mucho looking forward to drinking the bottle of wine sitting in the fridge later.
Sigh. Wish The Boy would hurry up.
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