Okay:

The time has come for this insanity to stop.

Dave and I had another, much longer conversation last night, he finally admitted he wasn't happy with his relationship, and it has become increasingly clear that this thing between us is going to get exceptionally out of hand if it isn't nipped in the bud right now.

There is nothing intrinsically wrong with my current relationship with the Boy (apart from, i suppose, the fact that i seem to seek the attention of other men...) I have not spent the last three years striving for the day when we can have a happy normal relationship which isn't defined by the constraints of university to throw it down the drain just as we are reaching the last hurdle. I can't imagine a scenario where i am going to leave Wayne for Dave, and he sure as hell doesn't have the guts to leave Ele, so there is no point in even continuing to agonise ourselves over this.

I highly suspect this is a case of Dave wanting to have his cake and eat it. Or i am just a symptom of his unhappiness with Ele. Whether intentionally or not, he is manipulating me.

For once in my life i am going to listen to the sensible people. I'm just not going to see him alone anymore. This has only been going on for a few days, its not that serious, it will fizzle out in time. Its not something either of us particularly wants, but its what needs to be done.

I don't know who i think i'm trying to kid.

I'm going home tomorrow anyway, so i won't be seeing him again until Tuesday even if i wanted to.

God, i feel so ill.