And why we definitely will not be tempted to text/ MSN/ ring him tomorrow to unleash a tirade of abuse/ psychosis/ hysterical crying. To be read repeatedly in case of Dave pining emergency.
#1. He is a moody, controlling, manipulative, attention seeking arse, who has quite clearly singled me out as an easy target for his games in mind-fuck.
#2. He makes me feel very small and very stupid. And i am not small. And i am definitely not stupid.
#3. Him and his situation bring out the very worst in me. He makes me paranoid and anxious and whiney and clingy and i lose all ability to articulate myself when arguing with him and just become generally insane. Lets face it, i need that like a hole in the head. I am more than capable of being insane without outside help...
#4. He is apparently, the most indecisive man in the world. One minute he wants me, the next minute he feels guilty and he doesn't. Not that it would cross his mind to actually communicate this to me. No, he would rather hold me at arms length for a week or so and expect me work it out for myself.
#5. He is too spineless and pathetic to leave a relationship he doesn't want to be in, despite claiming to be in love with me.
#6. He has a major league martyr complex.
#7. He seems to think its acceptable to take it out on me, everytime he is suffering from his man period, by talking to me as though i am the piece of metaphorical shit on his shoe.
#8. I will no longer have to risk losing the love and respect of the three people i love most in the world, when they inevitably found out what had been going on.
#9. He is, in fact, quite ugly really.
#10. His penis isn't even half as big as he thinks it is.
#11. I want to be in control of this situation. And i never will be unless i take charge of it now. Even if he comes to me tomorrow, acting as though nothing ever happened, which he most likely will do, i am just allowing myself to be used yet again.
#12. Even though i am a little bit scared that i have fucked things up for good, and he won't come crawling back tomorrow, i know that it is probably for the best. The longer this goes on, the more attached to him i become, and for the reasons outlined above, we quite clearly will never be in a relationship together. In two months, i will almost certainly never see him again. And to be in love with him at that point would be soul destroying.
#13. I miss My Boy. He worships the ground i walk on. He thinks i am beautiful and funny and clever and he tells me so. He wants to make me happy, not mess with my head. I miss the laughter we used to have. I am going to make an effort and i am going to get that back.
#14. This is just about the worst possible time to be distracted from university work by ridiculous emotional turmoil. And he damn well knows it. I'll be damned if i'm going to let him fuck up my degree along with everything else.
#15. I haven't cried over a man since i was about 12... until today...
#16. I can start to pull myself out of this quagmire of guilt and start to rebuild my self respect...
#17. He is probably just using me for sex anyway, and i am too stubborn and stupid to see it.
#18. Now i can go back to only having to shave my legs on weekends...
#19. This evening, for the first time in over two years, i seriously contemplated taking the rest of the paracetemol in the packet. And i blame him entirely for that.
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Now i just need to exercise some self control... Help please.
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2 comments:
1. breathe, remember to breathe.
2. no longer allow him to be in your life. you can do that, you know you can.
3. your decision is probably the most healthy one i've encountered for many a day. good for you! you don't need his abuse (for that is what it is)
Remove the word "probably" from the title and #17. Please.
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