So You Know

I don't know who i thought i was kidding when i thought i could get out of all this unscathed. How i thought i was going to be able to cope, emotionally speaking, given my mental fragility... shall we say. How i ever thought it was going to work. I am selfish, and naive, clearly.

And now it has all blown up in my face and i feel like i'm in pieces. It hurts so much, and its nobody's fault but my own.

I can't do the things i have done and not get attached. I haven't got it in me to be the "other woman". Second best, whatever. I want affection, attention, i want more than i feel like i can demand from you, more than i think you are willing to give.

It kills me that you are so distant now. But it stands to reason, now you have had what you want. You were never interested in me, or what i do or who i am. Apparently its been plain for everyone else to see, just not me.

I want to be distant and aloof. But i can't do it. I suspect the knowledge of this only fuels your desire to hold me at arms length. Despite it all, the only person i want to be comforted by is you.

I know i deserve everything i get.

Right now, i can only think of one way to make this stop. But you're not worth it. You'd think it was all about you. And your sense of self importance is big enough already.