So i told Katie. And i feel a little better for it. Her general conscensus was that Daffyd is a giant arsehole who has been using me, which seems to be the general opinion of everyone. Which is partially true. Call me naive, but not entirely.
The thing about telling Katie is that i now need to tell Roo. I don't want to tell Roo, because she will be disappointed and cross and she will think less of me, although she couldn't really think any less of me than i currently think of myself. I also think she will expect me to tell The Boy, and so i really need to decide what i am going to do about him before i tell her.
Katie thinks i should tell The Boy. She also thinks Ele should be told. I am of the opinion that what people don't know won't hurt them. If i can go home for the Easter vacation and convince myself i love The Boy again then i don't particularly want him to know. The decision of whether to be with him or not would be made up for me if i told him. And i am selfish and weak and as unlikely as it seems, i really do love The Boy and so i don't want that to happen. Also, if i break up with him, then Daffyd has won. Because i will have nothing. And he will be carrying on with his little life as normal, with no repercussions or upset. And he isn't worth destroying my entire life over. I also don't think that Ele needs to know. After everything she has been through, i can't see it doing her any good. The only part of me that wants her to know, wants it for entirely vindictive reasons. It would teach Dave a fucking lesson. He would be resolved of all control of the situation then. However, i strongly suspect that Ele would forgive him anyway. Katie seems to think she probably already knows.
I also want to tell Alex. More for a male perspective than anything. Alex is Dave's best friend and knows him better than anyone. I suspect he would be able to shed an awful lot of light on things which Dave refuses to acknowledge. Alex is a lot more perceptive than one would give him credit for. He has cross questioned Dave and Katie on several occasions about what is going on between us. Before anything even was going on... But for Alex to know, Roo would have to know, and then Dave would know that they all know... Which would serve him right to well and truely have lost control of the situation. But also not go very far in salvaging our friendship. Alex would give him a good bollocking. And Dave would assume i had only told them all to be malicious. Which is not entirely the truth....
I am feeling better than yesterday. Two days without contacting him and i am not missing him especially. Yesterday he spent with Ele, and my face was rubbed in it almost constantly with his silly Facebook status updates and the like...
He wants the friendship to go back to normal, but i am not convinced that it will be able to. I told him i needed a couple of days away, which i have had now, but am still not ready for seeing him really. I think i can just about cope with this situation as long as i am not seeing him. Being with him will only stir up a lot of feelings which i am currently working hard to suppress.
Three major things make me not want to restore the friendship: The fact that he quite clearly isn't even a little bit upset about the events of this weekend. The fact that he spent yesterday with Ele, rubbing my nose in it. And the fact that if he really wanted to leave Ele, he could do it now, and it would mostly have blown over by September- when she comes to university.
So answer that, you fucker.
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