Oh holy mongoose!

Its February!

My projects are due in on the 13th of March, which is in 6 weeks...

The last time i checked, the 13th of March was about 5 months away!

Bugger.

I went to the doctor today about my poor stomach. He seemed unimpressed. It appears i may not have AIDs/ cholera/ noravirus/ concealed pregnancy... as previously suspected.

The Boy is annoying me. He is sulking because i told him off for not going into work again today- apparently the tendonitis in his groin is playing him up. Something about his current workplace makes him a little bipolar, one minute he loves it, the next minute he hates it and wants to leave. He is currently in a hating phase. The company however, adore him, and are pretty keen to promote him to management. I think the shop had a bad week last week and now his manager is taking it out on him. He has been accused of taking a step backwards recently, which presumably means his promotion is drifting out of view... Being off "ill" constantly (i.e. twice a month) isn't going to be helping his case. He has an awful track record of never staying in a job longer than a couple of years maximum; something always seems to go wrong and he is "forced out". I have always been sympathetic in the past, but it has been in the back of my mind that as the only common denominator, perhaps the problem lay with him. Surely its going to get to a point where noone wants to employ him? But i'm a nice, supportive girlfriend, so i never said. I'm thinking it again now though.

I could be incredibly premature and bunny boiler-esque and say: "Oh my god, how is a man who can't keep a job for five minutes going to support me and our children for the rest of our lives!?"

But i'm not. So i won't...

Bleeurgh

Good God i feel poorly. I swear i have been feeling sick for about six weeks now. I hate being me. (And no, i'm not up the spout, before anyone says anything).

I think i am just going to give up eating. I am clearly allergic to it.

Happily, i didn't get the Vomit-y dissertation title. Mine is about Anorexia Nervosa, which should be interesting.

I'm stuck with my Non-experimental project. Which naturally means i am pratting about on the internet waiting for some divine intervention, rather than actually working on it. I'm not stuck as such. I just have too much information in too many different papers, and keep forgetting what i read and where i read it and having to go through all the papers over and over and over... I could just make notes on the damn things but that would be far too sensible. My brain is in no mood to be making logical sense of things right now.

I just wanted to moan really.

Alone again...

Boy has just left for home, and i feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness now.

These ridiculously short visits are no good. I didn't even miss him that much before, but now i have seen him, and he's gone again, its a bit gut-wrenching... :(

Last night was good fun, even though about an hour before we were due to go out, i started feeling incredibly ill, and as such was highly dubious about eating or drinking anything for most of the night. Still, the company was excellent.

I went out for lunch with Daffyd earlier in the week, and have been feeling distinctly off colour ever since. I think perhaps i have had food poisoning from the pub. I suffer from emetophobia
and the thought of being sick is so incredibly hideous and panic inducing to me that i have actually managed to train myself to just not be sick. Ever. Which sounds good i suppose, but in fact it means that bugs i catch linger for weeks on end while my body tries to fight them off or they work their way out of the other end... Whereas someone less freak-ish might just throw up and feel better within the day. Hence the sudden emergence of illness last night anyway. A bottle of red wine and a chicken Bhuna seemed to cure it after a while anyway...

The new guy living in Andy's room is a bit of a pompous arse.

That is all.

Procrastination...

I should be making some kind of effort to start the introduction for my experimental project, which my superviser wants a draft of in three weeks... But the research is a bitch, and i have no motivation whatsoever to work at the moment.

I'm not feeling very well, mentally or physically. I still have the beginnings of my flu, which has neither grown into real flu nor disappeared. So i'm just in an irritating state of flu-y limbo. I also had a rather revolting stomach disturbance on Saturday night... which i'm still feeling a little delicate from. I'm ridiculously anxious at the moment, about nothing in particular. To the point where its actually painful, and no matter how deeply i breath, i can't get rid of the sicky achey feeling in my chest and throat. I couldn't sleep last night because of it, so was completely shattered this morning, and only vaguely managed to tune into my lecture. Which is a shame because i like that module.

I'm in sort of a "hate my face/ body/ wardrobe" mode again as well.

Hopefully once i've seen the boy i will feel better. He is off work ill again today with some kind of throat problem. I do worry about him losing his job again. He can be so lax sometimes. I am contemplating going home instead of him coming here. If i'd have gone after my lecture we would have had an extra day and night together, and i could have "nursed" him back to health. As it is, i have been my usual indecisive self, and so even if i stopped dithering and went now, by the time i got home it would be bedtime, and we would only have an extra couple of hours together. Sigh. I am so looking forward to him being here, but it is tainted in a way, by the fact that he will only be here a day, and it will fly by. I don't know when i'll be seeing him again after Wednesday : ( I'm dreading that part.

Am i pathetic?

OK, i am going to do work now.